24.01.10 - Music

Assalamu'alaykum wrth.

Music... Do we really need music in our life to spice up or to motivate us? Or to drown ourselves in sorrow and anger into music? Peoples said before: Music is my life. Music connects with me coz it shows how i feel. And sometimes people use music for the good use, to attract youths to mosque and the westerners use music to get people to donate them with heart-warming songs.

Here's how i started listening to music. At the age of 13 & 14 i started to hear radio 98.7fm everynight before i doze off to sleep. Listening to all diff genre of english songs. Then at the age of 15 onwards, i stop listening for a while and switch to nasyid songs. Then i realised nasyid has changed. It became more modernise and started to follow western stlye. Sometimes the lirik has syirik in it. That's nasyeed in asia. So i stopped listening all songs for a year. At 17, i started to listen al-quran, try to memorize a few surahs. So, i didn't know anything the western or nasyeed songs. I didn't care what's the new songs, new singers in the song charts.

At 17 years old, i had started working then. Then i meet him, that's Abang Saiful. So after a few months, i realised he listens to western songs too which i would i have never expected he would. So, i thought well its ok to listen to westerns song but i'm not engrossed into it. I don't go and find what's the update for new songs in internet or radio. I only stumble to these songs in facebook and some bloggers.

Now, eventhough i seldom listens to western songs. But i'm afraid it's getting to me. Meaning, i'm afraid that i would find comfort in music to ease my sorrow and to stop thinking about problems for a while.

23.02.10

Assalamu'alaikum wrth to my blog...

Now i'm in diploma it's getting more challenging. I cannot slack before this in pra-diploma. It's tougher now, the subjects getting more confusing with the arabic language getting intricate to understand. With the large no. of students in the class. More competition.. Alot of tribulations trying to test me...

U know sometimes i've heard couple of times or people telling me i'm like 'ustazah'.
'Oh.. u're not from madrasah? U look like one. U have the appearance of ustazah...'
'The first time i enter the school adawiyah and suhana faces have 'nur' on ur face.'
'What's makes u want to switch to full time religious classes? I really do respect u. U seem to know better than us.'

I felt deeply humble by their comments. Most of the time i felt that i''m in no position to received that honor and respect. Coz i know myself well... i know i'm not that person which they thought i was. Sometimes, by their comments and praises, makes me really trying hard to be that person eventhough i wasn't. And it's difficult to meet their standards.

For example, everytime i do my presentation, i have to put more effort than the rest. I try to find new information that they never thought of. Coz, i don't want to disappointment the ustazah and the people who look up to me as their mentors. But it's tiring emotionally.

U know, sometimes the class is getting rowdy, noisy. I try to find quiet and solitude places where i could think deeply or critical thinking. but i'll try to avoid being alone sometimes. When tamadun lesson, i gave them points that are related. What has jahiliyyah ignorance al-fath:26 got to the with 'rebutan kuasa dan pengaruh'? All these informations are inside the book. U guys have to read the book, eventhough the ustadz summaries them in slides.

But at times, i felt disappointed with myself. Coz, the books i've read, the lectures i've heard either from the internet or from my ustadz/ustazah i'd forgotten. I know I've heard it before which i could use it as point. It's such a waste! Mad about it myself...

It's been 1 year ustadz husny didn't teach pra-dip4. Now when he's back only to teach us 1 module, Mustolah hadith, i'm just really amaze by his great knowledge about hadith. I really respect him alot. I'm always looking forward to his lessons. He makes us feel and understand the importance of Islam. What's so great about Islam? Why should we be proud to learn deeply about Islam? Alot of what he said, it's not from his nafs, from quran and hadith. When he speaks, he speaks with wisdom. Some students thinks his tone of his voice making them boring or the way he teaches. But as time went by, the students that used to say that, now are awed by his speech, his wide knowledge. He knows mostly of the books that imam-imam had wrote because he likes to read alot and he's excellent in arabic even one of the syeikh from university of madinah was amaze by his work in arabic. His syeikh was surprised that a great work came from a country where arabic is not widely used and spoken. It's hard to find a great ustadz like him. MasyaAllah! May Allah bless him and forgive his sins and make him the people from jannah. Ameen!

Be continued....

In the Name of Allah

Poem written by : Velma Cook

In the name of Allah we are born
In His name we live
and in His name we die

Our shadows prostrate to their Creator morning and evening
without our consent
Birds and animals usher in the times of prayer

Birds circumambulate the Ka'ba
while migrating birds stretch forth their... wings
finding their way by Allah's Mercy

Only to feel unrest and leave once more
ever-searching, traveling discontent until they die

We, also wander
some blindly
while others see

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what?s waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

He's Back! His lecture is Super Duper Awesome!

Assalamu'alaikum wrth..

Alhamdulillah... It was monday on the 1st feb and i'm already gearing up for school. Yeay!

Ustadz Husny is teaching my class well actually 2 classes, K8 & K9, subject on Mustolah Hadith. Yippeee....!! I was very delighted and also relieved that ustad amin did not teach us any subject for this semester. :) Phew.. if not, we won't benefit anything from him only a few things or so which is not related to the topic. :|

I really can't wait what story he's going to share, especially, abt our Prophet s.a.w and his sahabas r.ahm. :)

However, the sitting arrangement and the students, is making me difficult to hear or concentrate on what Ustd is lecturing. I'm sitting at the far right corner which i barely can hear, and what's making it worse the girls behind couldn't stop talking! Aiyoooo..... What's wrong with them? Don't they know there inside a class not at macdonalds???

Haizzz.... It was a just a disappointment to me for what i hope or looking forward to it turns out differently.

However, the next day, I was able to sit in the front row although i was sitting near the wall. But Alhamdulillah... i finally can hear what Ustd is saying. I couldn't jot down everything he says.. coz there's many, many things he had said. I wish i could have record it and hear it over and over again in mp3/4. I don't even have mp3. Not even my hp. That hp gives me a lot of trouble. InsyaAllah, i will intend to buy mp3 in the near future. ;)

one less lonely girl

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl

How many I told you's
And start overs and shoulders
Have you cried on before
How many promises be honest girl
How many tears you let hit the floor
How many bags you'd packed
Just to take'em back, tell me that
How many either or's
But no more,
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl

Oh oh
I saw so many pretty faces
Before I saw you, you
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you
Don't need these other pretty faces
Like I need you
And when your mine in the world

There's gonna be one less lonely girl
I'm gonna put you first
I'll show you what you're worth
If you let me inside your world
There's gonna be one less lonely girl

Christmas wasn't merry, 14th of February
Not one of'em spent with you
How many dinner dates, set dinner plates
And he didn't even touch his food
How many torn photographs I saw you taping back
Tell me that you couldn't see an open door
But no more,
If you let me inside of your world
There'll be one less lonely girl

Oh oh
I saw so many pretty faces
Before I saw you, you
Now all I see is you
I'm coming for you
Don't need these other pretty faces
Like I need you
And when your mine in this world

I can fix up your broken heart
I can give you a brand new start
I can make you believe
I just wanna set one girl free to fall (free to fall)
She's free to fall (fall in love)
With me
My hearts locked and nowhere that I got the key
I'll take her and leave the world
With one less lonely girl

Emails from him.

Assalamu'alaikum wrth,

I read the emails that he and i conversed. I smiled and laugh the way he say things to me in the email, especially the one which he creates a story abt an incident happened. All these email was in the year 31 may - 2 jun 2007.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Assalamualaikum wrt wrb,

Dah balik? how was today? tiring? don't feel bad about forgetting to call people thing...mistakes happen all the time to everybody!...ok? jangan get affected by it...i & cik osman & cik rahman tak marah or frustrated by it...ok...?

anyway, do you mind the extra work with helping me with the website...a lot of things need to be done...if you can help, i really appreciate it...but if you don't have the time, please tell me...i don't want it to affect your classes/studies...knowledge is more vital especially islamic knowledge. plus i'm not exactly paying you anything...kalau belanja makan ok lah...atau minum air batu ke... =)

my contacts if you want are as follow... msn : sjemain@hotmail.com ... skype : sfnizam

have a good rest, a good nite sleep...tomorrow is a new day...a new beginning... =)

Good nite...sweet dreams...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Assalamualaikum, syukran for the design thing....kasihan dia...balik rumah terus buat eh? terima kasih very much!... =)

semalam,saya tunggu tak lama sangat....sampai dalam pukul 12 07.... =) then berdiri kat luar...menunggu yang tak kunjung tiba... =)

semasa berdiri tu, teringat pula kisah lama...kisah seorang yang menunggu dengan penuh harapan di sebuah pintu yang tak terbuka buka...dalam keadaan basah dgn wudhu..orang ramai lalu lalang, melihat orang ni, bertanya pada diri mereka sendiri.... " tak hujan, tak ribut...kenapa si dia ini basah kuyup...& asal mendanguk di depan pintu yg tak terbuka?" =)

insan tu juga bertanya pada dirinya sendiri..."mana ni si pemilik kunci pintu ini..dah pukul 2...tak nampak pun? tak datang mungkin...atau sakit...atau sesuatu telah berlaku pada dirinya...risau saya..." rupa rupa nya...pemilik kunci pintu dah tertinggal kuncinya dah!!! ish....ish....ish.... =) "drop my water face only!" =>

hmmmm, awak tahu tarikh lahir saya bulan 10 eh? camna awak tahu...?ni mesti dah buat investigation tau....apa lagi yang awak dah tahu tentang diri saya? ini tak adil !....u know a lot about me...i know very little about u... tapi org katakan...kalau ada orang take the time to find out things about us...tht is a good thing...tandanya.....got hope!!! =)...orang kata...bukan saya...saya cuma setuju aje... =)

oklah, setakat di sini buat kali ini...nanti kalau saya cerita panjang-panjang, awak asyik tersenyum sendiri...nanti keluarga jadi risau..."kenapa suhana sejak kebelakangan ni tengok computer tersenyum senyum, tengok hp tersenyum senyum... =) dia sakit ke? atau stress..or as i like to say it...stwess... =)

ok...always take good care of yourself...keep on smiling always..selalu selalulah email saya!...kalau sudi... =)

i'll be waiting at kedai mamak joo chiat tepi tangga pada bulan sepuluh untuk awak belanja saya air batu... =) ok..see you...soon!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Assalamualaikum Ana,

U finally reached home.. =) had your dinner? makan apa?

how was your day today? any good things/ bad things that happen?

macam mana dengan blog that u did with puan hameedah? banyak design or more to set up the blog? bagaimana dapat go online?

ish...ish...1001 questions waiting for answers =)

anyway, just wanted to tell you how much i'm enjoying time spent with you, samada at ofis or sms...any complaints from you...?

maybe i ni terlalu banyak sms ke sampai susah nak layan...any problems, please tell me ok? hope u already read and enjoyed the previous email... =)

good nite, sweet & sour dreams... =)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Assalamualaikum Ana,

Alhamdulillah, awak dah balik pun =) how was your day today? ramai orang call?ingat tadi nak singgah ofis, tapi tuition habis pukul 3, tak sempat =(

Insya Allah, i'll be up till very late so kalau perlu apa apa, jgn segan to sms or call..kalau bukan pasal advertisement ni, nak call or sms pun lagi ok !... =)

ok, nanti i email lagi.....senyum senyum selalu =)

Dari

Ijam ( cutie berjanggut!)..... =)

****************************************************************************88

I suddenly miss the feelings that we had when we meet. But now, i don't know, he's just being too serious and kept everything to himself but it's weird when he can be carefree with others. Or is it me that have changed?

But whatever it is... I always love him coz i know there's a good inside of him. He's a responsible man but i hope he 'jaga-jaga batasan dengan wanita'.

16.12.09

Assalamu'alaikum wrth,

Apa kabar diriku? Sudah cukup sedia menduduki peperiksaan? Sudah kau memahami dgn sebenar-benarnya? Adakah kau rasa penat dan tertekan? Sudah kau dapat pastikan bhw kau boleh ambil peperiksaan? Yuran kau bagaimana? Sudah dibayar?

Alhamdulillah sihat, dan belum... belum.. belum.. lagi. Aku tidak berapa confident lagi. Ada juga beberapa pelajaran dan topic membuat ku keliru. Ya! Ia amat memenatkan. Pulang sahaja dari kelas, ku terus tidur. Lemah badan ku. Entah mengapa sejak beberapa minggu ini, badan aku mengalahkan ku. Kadang-kala rasa penat semacam. Seperti tiada tenaga lagi. Kenapa ya? Well, badanku bukanlah seperti dahulu pada waktu belasan tahun. Sentiasa ada tenaga sehingga lewat petang. Tetapi sekarang pada umur 22 tahun, ku dapat rasa badanku berubah. Gaya pemakanan juga harus ku tukar.

Hmmm.... aku pernah terbaca surat kabar ttg khasiat dan kebaikan as-shifa atau sauda. Ia memberi tenaga pada badan kita dan lain-lain lagi. Mungkin sekarang, aku memerlukan ubat itu. Suatu hari, aku ingin cuba mengambilnya dan mudahan dapat rasa kesannya yang baik.

Aku mengadu pada abgku ttg duit yuran sekolahku. Aku memang tk nak menyusahkan hidupnya yg sekarang sempit dan susah. Dengan masalah aku, terutama sekali ttg wang menambahkan kesusahannya.

Kadang-kadang aku terpikir, jikalau aku ini dari keluarga yang kaya, tidak perlulah aku bergantung pada abg saiful dan boleh aku membantunya.

Tetapi, inilah qadak dan qadar Allah swt. Tidak semuanya kaya. Tidak semuanya miskin. Adakalanya, kesusahan yang diberiNya, membuat kita lebih bersyukur dan mengenal diri kita bahawa kita ini manusia yg kerdil dan lemah. Allah lah tempat kita bergantung.

Ku membaca tazkiyah nafs dan ada ayat dari Dr Ahmad Faried, tidak salah kita mengadu kpd Allah tapi jgnlah kita salahkan Allah akan nasib kita. Manusia ini perlu meluahkan perasaan. Jika terpendam, maka kusutlah perasaan dan pikirkan kita.

Abg saiful menelepon ku, aku mengadu padanya. Aku bercandang untuk kerja di Mcd ttpi ada keburukannya kerja di sana. Entah mengapa, aku hendak menangis dan ku cuba menahan sebak ku. Mungkin hari itu, aku baru menanya admin ttg yuran tertunggak dan waktu itu aku baru shj solat asar. Maka, perasaan gelisah masih bergelora yg membuat ku rasa sebak.

Abgku hanya mengatakan dia cuba mencari wang itu. Aku rasa amat bersalah padanya. Yalah, abg ingin memulakan hidup baru abg dan aku mula mencari masalah dan lemparkan padanya. Bagaimana hidupnya tidak rasa beban?

Aku harap dan inginkan hidup abgku FREE from MONEY PROBLEMS. That is the first change i want from him when he start his new life in Feb 2010. After many years, his life has been a struggle, hardship, tribulations. It was never easy for him. His time working in B&P might be a worst experience for him. Coz he find hope there for a better life but in the end it turns out bad. After this, he had to pick up the broken pieces once again and make sure that pieces of his life is solid and firm.

Dear hubby,

Work hard, don't gave up hope. Life is like a roller coaster. There's ups and downs. Once u have start ur new life next year, make urself happy, make ur parents happy. Provide ur parents with what they need. Show ur parents that u are now a better man, better son, a better person.

A road ahead will be struggle coz there's few bumps and red lights which u might have to put up with. But don't give up dear.... :) InsyaAllah, Allah is with those who have patience. :)

Love,

Ana. ;)

I'm worried with my schl fees

Assalamu'alaikum wrth,

Hatiku berat memikirkan masalah yuran sekolahku.... Ku buka buku, kertas-kertas tulis berantakan di meja makan... Tiba-tiba, aku tergerak hati untuk menyimpan receipt zuhri. Rupa-rupanya sudah 3 bulan belum ku bayar. Ya Allah... Bagaimanakah harus ku melangsaikan yuran itu?

Tadi ku cuba mengulangkaji, tetapi pikiran ku menggangu konsentrasiku. Bimbang... Jika aku belajar bersungguh-sungguh, akhirnya aku tidak dapat memasuki peperiksaan. Apakah tindakan segara harus ku ambil? Kerja di mcd terima panggilan pada lewat ptg hingga mlm? Ku amat tidak berminat kerja-kerja sebegitu kerana org-orgnya di sana dan waktunya tidak sesuai malahan jauh sekali dari rumahku. Juga, ku lihat aisyah berkerja di mcd sangat memenatkan. Dia selalu tidak dapat memberi perhatian sepenuh dalam kelas. Dia juga ketinggalan dalam pelajaran. Aku tidak mahu seperti dia....

Boleh kah aku bertahan kerja di sana sambil belajar? Peperiksaan semakin dekat.... Lagi beberapa minggu sahaja, 3 minggu lagi. Bagaimanakah aku mencari cukup wang sebnyk $525 dalam 3 minggu.

Bukan itu shj. Aku juga harus byr kepada mak, kakak dan adek. Wang belanjaan dan wang ku pinjam dari adek-beradek ku... Bagaimana pula dengan wang tambang? Wang tambang pun mahal... Sekurang-kurangnya $100... Itu juga ku harus fikirkan.

Aku nangis............ kerana tidak tahu sama ada aku dapat duduki peperiksaan atau tidak..... Biarlah ku bimbang dan stress ttg pelajaran daripada kewangan. Tetapi, inilah kesusuhan yg dialami pada setiap insan. Nasib hidup manusia berbeza-beza. Dan tahap dan cara ujian pada manusia pun berbeza-beza...

Ya Allah, permudahkan urusanku................