23.02.10

Assalamu'alaikum wrth to my blog...

Now i'm in diploma it's getting more challenging. I cannot slack before this in pra-diploma. It's tougher now, the subjects getting more confusing with the arabic language getting intricate to understand. With the large no. of students in the class. More competition.. Alot of tribulations trying to test me...

U know sometimes i've heard couple of times or people telling me i'm like 'ustazah'.
'Oh.. u're not from madrasah? U look like one. U have the appearance of ustazah...'
'The first time i enter the school adawiyah and suhana faces have 'nur' on ur face.'
'What's makes u want to switch to full time religious classes? I really do respect u. U seem to know better than us.'

I felt deeply humble by their comments. Most of the time i felt that i''m in no position to received that honor and respect. Coz i know myself well... i know i'm not that person which they thought i was. Sometimes, by their comments and praises, makes me really trying hard to be that person eventhough i wasn't. And it's difficult to meet their standards.

For example, everytime i do my presentation, i have to put more effort than the rest. I try to find new information that they never thought of. Coz, i don't want to disappointment the ustazah and the people who look up to me as their mentors. But it's tiring emotionally.

U know, sometimes the class is getting rowdy, noisy. I try to find quiet and solitude places where i could think deeply or critical thinking. but i'll try to avoid being alone sometimes. When tamadun lesson, i gave them points that are related. What has jahiliyyah ignorance al-fath:26 got to the with 'rebutan kuasa dan pengaruh'? All these informations are inside the book. U guys have to read the book, eventhough the ustadz summaries them in slides.

But at times, i felt disappointed with myself. Coz, the books i've read, the lectures i've heard either from the internet or from my ustadz/ustazah i'd forgotten. I know I've heard it before which i could use it as point. It's such a waste! Mad about it myself...

It's been 1 year ustadz husny didn't teach pra-dip4. Now when he's back only to teach us 1 module, Mustolah hadith, i'm just really amaze by his great knowledge about hadith. I really respect him alot. I'm always looking forward to his lessons. He makes us feel and understand the importance of Islam. What's so great about Islam? Why should we be proud to learn deeply about Islam? Alot of what he said, it's not from his nafs, from quran and hadith. When he speaks, he speaks with wisdom. Some students thinks his tone of his voice making them boring or the way he teaches. But as time went by, the students that used to say that, now are awed by his speech, his wide knowledge. He knows mostly of the books that imam-imam had wrote because he likes to read alot and he's excellent in arabic even one of the syeikh from university of madinah was amaze by his work in arabic. His syeikh was surprised that a great work came from a country where arabic is not widely used and spoken. It's hard to find a great ustadz like him. MasyaAllah! May Allah bless him and forgive his sins and make him the people from jannah. Ameen!

Be continued....